she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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