Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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