We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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