I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
