Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
