i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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