I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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