In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
