this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
