5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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