Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
