I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize