I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
