My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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