I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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