Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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