Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she was so not down for the gang bang
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
