Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
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