I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize