I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize