Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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