I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
