So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
