I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
