Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
