I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
