"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
