a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
