So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
