I got chris browned last night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
