the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
