what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
