Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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