Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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