so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
home. puking in laundry basket.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
