update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to calm my uterus...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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