you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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