Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
