remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
