it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i want to swaddle you in tequila
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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