your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
