I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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