Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
