Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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