He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
