Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
