I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
