did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
