I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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