I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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