Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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