Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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