Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
