I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How's work?
Spinning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
