its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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