dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
