we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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