I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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