How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
