We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
