bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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