I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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