Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
