so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
