Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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