I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
