hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
