I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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