definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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