sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
