I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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