So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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