A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
