everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
