I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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