Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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