jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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