i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
