i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
