@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
