is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
