I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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